At some point, I realized the need to try ~everything~ was pointless. I became lenient with my lists (including my bucket and reading and especially my “to eat” and travel lists) because I was too preoccupied with them the stress was no longer healthy. I actually stopped actively wanting to try new restaurants. Before, I go out of my way to visit them and I try to blog reviews even if they’re subjective and badly written. But I grew tired of that because there’s just too many sprouting everywhere and I really don’t have enough resources to burn. Every time one is ticked off another two are added. Same goes with trips and experiences. I no longer beat myself over visiting off-the-beaten-paths before everyone else discovers it. Heck, now I’m going where I feel like going whether it’s a tourist trap or a hidden gem. Don’t get me wrong, I still plan and make lists but they’re not as specific and rigid and obsessive as before. I just make do with what comes my way. I have renounced control. And my life has been simpler since.
I think an
contributing aggravating factor for that attitude of mine was this blog. When I was starting (circa 2011-12), I published a lot (most of them were nonsense and pilit and made it appear like I was deprived of decent food as a child) because the site looked so bare with only a couple of posts. Now that I’m nearing 500 (WHOA!), I think I can take it easy. I can rest. I can move away from photodumps and travel diaries and every other narcissistic posts and into something I do not yet know. I can experiment. After all, this place is for things I enjoy. One thing’s for sure: I won’t stop. I actually can’t because “writing” (sorry it’s a disservice to real writers out there but I can’t think of another word. Scribbling? Blogging?) has always been one of the constants in my life and I’m not about to give it up even if I have no talent for it. I have a lot of so-called material. Also, I’ve invested too much time/feels/effort in this space.
If all else fails, I can always go back to being shallow and posting pictures of food with sabaw, gramatically-incorrect, subject-verb inconsistent captions. My next post is actually Food Photodump 7 HAHA 😉
P.S. It seems like I’m justifying my content (or lack thereof). Anyway, it may appear like I’m talking to avid readers but I actually don’t have one apart from two or three friends who visit occasionally. I’m thankful that it’s been that way because I’m not pressured to be relevant nor good at this. Yay freedom!
I’m writing mostly for my future self and I know she’ll cringe at this but I’m hitting the publish button nonetheless. Ciao!