It’s so freaking annoying when you can’t be there for the people you love during important moments.
I sympathize with those who arrived after their parents have breathed their last or those who missed too many graduations and birthdays. I just realized being an OFW can be a cruel, cruel thing.
Phone calls and text messages do not suffice. Not even video call. You run out of words to say — you’re not good with condolences to begin with. All you want to do is hug them so tight hoping your bodies will communicate in a way no words can convey but alas, we still don’t have the technology for that.
You can’t do anything except to write about your frustration. You’re left with waiting. Waiting for news. Waiting for second hand stories. Waiting for happenings in something you can never be a part of. It’s like your uncle annoyingly asking everything that goes on via Skype during your grandma’s birthday celebration. You understand him now. And you totally feel like a douche for back then.
I wanted to be there for you (I mean physically, in the same place). I wanted to be the one to comfort you. I wanted my shoulder to be the one you cry on to. I wanted to hold your hand as we visit the scene.
Whoever said distance doesn’t matter is an asshole. Because it does. Oh hell it does.
Maybe this is also a form of the so-called FOMO or fear of missing out. I promised myself to work hard so I wouldn’t succumb to that condition anymore. But I do suffer from FOMO right now, big time.
This is me being selfish but I can’t help it and you can’t blame me. I’ve lost too many opportunities to spend time with people who are gone and I’ve missed too many important things.
But stay strong bebe. I may not be the first and when I arrive, what’s worse may have already passed but I’ll go and do what still needs to be done. And if there’s nothing left to do, I’ll simply stay and be there for you.