My greatest frustration thus far

Is giving up on music.

I was browsing through my news feed on Facebook when I came upon a video of a 4-year old boy who played the piano with much gesticulation.

While watching, I thought to myself, “Heck, I know I would never be half as good as that kid even if I continued my lessons but there’s something about the piano and the kind of music it creates or else there wouldn’t be much fuss about the instrument. Also, I might have turned out differently”.

If my memory serves me well, I started having lessons when I was 9 and that went on for about a year. I didn’t like playing because my teacher was a bit strict I remember her striking my fingers with a pencil whenever I hit the wrong notes. For my first (and last) recital, I was supposed to play a piece that I was not familiar with, meaning, I had to practice. A few days before the event, I still couldn’t master it so I had to play an easier one.ย After that and failing all the written exams in my book, I started believing that I wasn’t born to play the piano, that I wasn’t born for music. Sometime after that, I always found an excuse to be absent until I just stopped attending class altogether.

In first year high school, since I was part of the Special Science Curriculum, we were given the opportunity to choose our specialization and I chose music. The instructor there, Sir J, was no better than my previous teacher. On our first day, the room was full of students but Sir J didn’t seem to mind. Actually, he had a menacing smile on his face. While introducing himself, he said that by the end of the first grading, not even half of us would stay, some he will send away because they’re too stupid for music, others will go on their own accord. That was when he told us his guiding principle, “Quitters never win and winners never quit” along with promises of us being able to play any instrument we wanted that he can teach. I had high hopes that day, expecting myself as one of the few who would stick up to the end.

Guess what? I quit after two weeks and went to the journalism specialization instead where the moderator let us do what we want. True to Sir J’s words, my batch mates who were passionate enough to stay (there were only 8 of them out of 50+ students) learned how to read musical sheets and play the violin.

What if I wasn’t such a loser? Maybe I could play the piano not magnificently but at least modestly. Maybe I’d have something to write when asked what my talent is instead of putting self-piteous answers like sleeping, eating, and watching TV. Maybe when I’m sad or happy or bored or on the verge of giving up I could just sit and play any piece that comes to mind and comfort myself with the music I am able to produce. Maybe I am able to express myself in a way other than writing grammatically wrong blog posts.

Sometimes I wish I was raised by a tiger mom so I’d be forced to practice music for hours everyday or else all my toys would be given to charity.ย My parents are too lenient and I’m such a quitter.

Ugh, this post is too dramatic. To lighten the mood, here’s the amazing Maxim.

One thought on “My greatest frustration thus far

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