My laptop clock says 3:54 am, Tuesday, April 17, 2012.
Under normal circumstances, with review classes for the nursing licensure examination from 8 am to 5 pm, I should be asleep. Or re-reading my notes. But I’m not. I’m in front of the computer clicking random links which bring me to random places on the web. I have a bed-load of handouts and papers to organize, underwears to wash, clothes to bring to the laundry shop and all those little things a typical person does.
Ever since I came back from the province, I’ve been living alone. I have always wanted to, just never got the chance, but I like it very much. In first year, I was at the dorm with 7 other roommates. Second year to fourth year, I lived with my siblings and though I learned to be independent (compared to my old self), living with other humans, even if they’re your siblings, does not compare to the feeling of being alone in your own little sanctuary.
First off, you control when everything is turned off or on — the television, the water dispenser, the air conditioner, the lights, etc. You can sleep at your own pace, at your own favorable time without anyone bothering you. By bother, I mean their mere existence in the same roof as yours. You have the bathroom solely to yourself. You can read in peace as long as you want. You can practically walk naked and nobody will see you. I guess this kind of living arrangement is appropriate for selfish beings, like me.
During the weekend, I have been so isolated the only persons I talked to are the cashiers in the nearby 7-eleven, McDonald’s and Chow King. I go out with my earphones on and my music loud enough not to hear any other sound yet soft enough not to damage my eardrums. And I loved every bit of it.
During those two days, I thought hard. Do I want to live this way forever? And most part said yes. I am not anti-social or anything, don’t get me wrong. It’s just a comforting thought, going home to no one at night in a place with all of your preferences after spending a day with other people, some you care about, some you don’t. Because then, you will treat crashing at your parent’s home with more importance. You will think of every night spent with other people as an extra added bonus.
We tend to take for granted things that are readily accessible.
I once read that we should be aware of those who seek constant crowds, for they are nothing alone. I say, be brave enough to be by yourself.
Besides, not all who are alone are lonely.